This One Word Is Sabotaging Your Fights
And You Don’t Even Know It
Ever been in a fight that spiraled because someone insisted they were “right”?
What if the real problem wasn’t the facts… but the word you used?
Most couples don’t realize that one word—wrong—can send their relationship into emotional gridlock.
But replace it with something softer, more nuanced… and suddenly, things shift.
Let me show you the difference between “wrong” and “mistaken”—and why this subtle language change might be the exact breakthrough your relationship needs.
(And yes, I brought a story. You’re gonna want to read to the end.)
The Power of One Word
Let me tell you a story about two fictional clients, Mia and Jordan.
They’d been together eight years and were on the verge of calling it quits. Every disagreement turned into a standoff, and therapy was their Hail Mary. During one session, they got into a heated back-and-forth about a conversation they had at a friend’s party.
Jordan: “You told me to leave early.”
Mia: “No, I didn’t. That’s not what I said.”
Jordan: “Yes, you did! You’re wrong.”
Boom.
You could literally see the life drain from Mia’s face. Her body tensed. Her tone sharpened. Her walls shot up like clockwork.
Why?
Because “wrong” doesn’t just challenge someone’s memory. It challenges their character.
It implies they’re incapable of remembering correctly, or worse—being honest. And if that person has a history of being misunderstood, mischaracterized, or scapegoated in their family growing up? That one word lights the fuse.
Now, let’s rewind that same moment—except Jordan says something different:
Jordan: “I think you might be mistaken. Maybe we heard that moment differently.”
Suddenly the tone is different. There’s space. Space to clarify. Space to stay open. Space to remain connected even in disagreement.
Mistaken doesn’t imply malice, stupidity, or deception. It implies we’re human. That memory is fallible. That nuance exists.
And that’s the magic.
Why “Wrong” Feels So Personal
For a lot of people, being told they’re “wrong” triggers a cascade of unconscious defenses. Especially if they grew up in a household where they were blamed for things that weren’t their fault… or where their emotions were dismissed as “dramatic,” “too sensitive,” or “inaccurate.”
I’ve worked with countless adults who carry this wound. Their parents jumped to conclusions about their tone, mood, or intent. They were told how they felt instead of being asked. So now, as adults, they’re hypersensitive to perceived criticism.
They either shut down or go into lawyer-mode. Every discussion becomes a deposition.
But when we shift the language from “you’re wrong” to “maybe we’re seeing this differently” or “maybe one of us is mistaken,” it allows for complexity. It softens the blow. It creates a dialogue instead of a duel.
And more importantly? It keeps the relationship intact.
Mistaken = Room for Repair
Here’s the secret most people never learn:
Disagreement isn’t the enemy. Disconnection is.
When you call someone “wrong,” you’re usually trying to win. When you suggest someone may be mistaken, you’re inviting understanding.
Think about it—how do you react when someone tells you you’re wrong?
Exactly.
But if they say, “I think you might be mistaken about that—here’s how I saw it,” you’re more likely to stay in the conversation. You don’t feel ambushed. You feel engaged.
Maybe even curious as to the fact that they know something or see something you didn’t!
The irony is that when you drop the word “wrong,” you’re way more likely to get the other person to actually hear you.
Lastly, you may be so hell bent on your theory and confirmation bias that you make a complete ass out of yourself! (Don’t shoot the messenger!)
How to Use This With Your Partner (and Your Kids)
This strategy isn’t just for romantic relationships—it’s a powerhouse for parenting, too.
Let’s say your kid swears they cleaned their room.
Instead of, “You’re wrong. I just looked in there.”
Try, “You might be mistaken—I just checked and there were clothes on the floor. Want to look again together?”
It shifts the power dynamic. Your child doesn’t feel accused. They feel guided.
Same goes for your spouse.
Instead of, “You’re wrong, I never said that.”
Try, “I think one of us might be mistaken here—want to figure it out together?”
It’s not weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s teamwork…and we all know teamwork makes the dream work!
Your Micro-Intervention Challenge
Try going one full day without telling anyone they’re “wrong.”
Seriously. Not your kids. Not your spouse. Not the barista who forgot your extra pump of vanilla.
Replace it with:
"I think there may have been a misunderstanding."
"We might be remembering that differently."
"You could be mistaken—or maybe I am. Let’s double-check."
You’ll be shocked at how much smoother conversations go. And how much less defensive everyone becomes.
Because people aren’t usually upset about being corrected. They’re upset about being corrected harshly.
Reflection Questions:
Do you notice yourself getting triggered when someone tells you you're “wrong”?
How did your family handle disagreements growing up? Were you allowed to be mistaken without being shamed?
In your current relationship, what would shift if both of you replaced “wrong” with “mistaken”?
How can you start modeling this with your kids or coworkers?
Share this with someone you know needs this breakthrough!